Haley notes that giving compliments is a social skill - which is definitely true. Purposeful encouragement and giving considerate compliments is something that's been on the "practice" list for a couple of years now, and it definitely takes practice - lots at first, especially if an introvert or living in a critical culture. ;)
She gives practical tips for good compliment-giving - "direct and specific," making sure it's authentic and something you genuinely feel, given in a timely manner, focused on things the recipient chooses or values about themselves. It also makes sense to avoid compliments which are about potential "hot spots" for someone (body, food, weight, etc.) and to think about how to say things in a way which is encouraging and positive, that's quantifiable (where the "specific and direct" comes into play). For example, instead of saying something generic like "you like nice today" (which isn't specific, and can also imply that they don't usually look nice or aren't usually noteworthy ;)), saying something like "that outfit is very flattering on you, and it really brings out the beautiful color of your eyes" or "you have a flair for creating such beautiful outfits", etc.
She also talks about the difference between altruistic compliments and self-serving ones, and to be careful to not give compliments expecting any particular reaction, especially as many people might not be used to receiving compliments and might not be comfortable w/ them. And if someone isn't comfortable, that doesn't mean one shouldn't give compliments or that it didn't make the recipient feel positive.
She ends the article w/ a task, which is too well-written to paraphrase, so here it is in its entirety:
"I encourage you to go about your day looking for something you genuinely appreciate in others. We often see what we look for, meaning if we go about looking for the good in people, we will find it. When you notice something and it is appropriate in the local context, share your kind words with that person."
I think mastering the art of compliments begins with learning to observe others well, specifically looking for what is noteworthy and good in them, and then finding the best words to encourage them and add a spark of positivity and light to their day.
How about you? Any interesting expert article reads today?
2 Week Daily Expert Article Reading Challenge - Check-in!
Today, I chose to read Haley's article on Dos and Don’ts for Giving Great Compliments - https://www.fitnessblender.com/articles/dos-and-don-ts-for-giving-great-compliments
Haley notes that giving compliments is a social skill - which is definitely true. Purposeful encouragement and giving considerate compliments is something that's been on the "practice" list for a couple of years now, and it definitely takes practice - lots at first, especially if an introvert or living in a critical culture. ;)
She gives practical tips for good compliment-giving - "direct and specific," making sure it's authentic and something you genuinely feel, given in a timely manner, focused on things the recipient chooses or values about themselves. It also makes sense to avoid compliments which are about potential "hot spots" for someone (body, food, weight, etc.) and to think about how to say things in a way which is encouraging and positive, that's quantifiable (where the "specific and direct" comes into play). For example, instead of saying something generic like "you like nice today" (which isn't specific, and can also imply that they don't usually look nice or aren't usually noteworthy ;)), saying something like "that outfit is very flattering on you, and it really brings out the beautiful color of your eyes" or "you have a flair for creating such beautiful outfits", etc.
She also talks about the difference between altruistic compliments and self-serving ones, and to be careful to not give compliments expecting any particular reaction, especially as many people might not be used to receiving compliments and might not be comfortable w/ them. And if someone isn't comfortable, that doesn't mean one shouldn't give compliments or that it didn't make the recipient feel positive.
She ends the article w/ a task, which is too well-written to paraphrase, so here it is in its entirety:
"I encourage you to go about your day looking for something you genuinely appreciate in others. We often see what we look for, meaning if we go about looking for the good in people, we will find it. When you notice something and it is appropriate in the local context, share your kind words with that person."
I think mastering the art of compliments begins with learning to observe others well, specifically looking for what is noteworthy and good in them, and then finding the best words to encourage them and add a spark of positivity and light to their day.
How about you? Any interesting expert article reads today?