Just recently, my friend and I went to a cooking class for making gnocchi from scratch (it was delicious, by the way). My friend and I kept calling our gnocchi pieces “fat boys” because they were so heavy they were sticking to the bottom of the pot. The teacher of the class overheard and, me being 9 months pregnant at the time (very obviously pregnant), joked that I will be a mean mother. Putting aside the strange prenatal parental shaming for another day, it did get me wondering about the connections between how we talk (generally) and how this impacts our children’s body image. 

Biopsychosocial models of body image suggest that biological factors (like BMI), psychological factors (like levels of negative emotions and self-esteem), and social factors (like parental/peer socialization, cultural messaging, media messaging, etc.) all impact how we tend to view our bodies (Ricciardelli et al., 2003). The primary place that we, as parents, have any semblance of control over, is the environment we provide at home that sets our children up for body image success. 

However, as human adults, we are also inundated with mixed messaging regarding body image, weight, body ideals, and much more. Combined with a hyperfocus on what hurts our children’s body image, many parents are left wondering what they can and should do to help their children develop and maintain a positive body image. In this article, I am particularly focusing on factors that contribute to positive body image when it comes to body shape/size and not on other facets of our appearance (like hair, skin, etc.) that contribute to body image. (Not that those aren’t important, just that those aren't the focus of this article.)

Here, I will present evidence-based strategies that parents can use to help promote a positive body image in their children.

Related: Building Blocks of Body Image - How We Learn about Beauty and the Cost of Poor Body Image and Befriending Your Body - Overcoming Poor Body Image

The important role of modeling

Our children watch us all the time. Not only that, but they also mimic our behaviors and adopt our beliefs and lifestyles. This all happens subconsciously, meaning they don’t always choose to do this until they are a bit older and have developed cognitively to be able to question why they believe what they do. Therefore, one of the more powerful ways we can positively influence our children’s body image is by 1) talking about our own and others’ bodies in intentional ways, 2) showing them our own positive food and exercise choices, and 3) generally be cognizant of what our behaviors might suggest to our kids. Here are some general tips for common scenarios where this becomes important (Carbonneau et al., 2021):

• Talk about your body in ways that demonstrates a positive body image. (Related: Body Positivity and Body Neutrality: Which Approach Works Best for You?)  
• Avoid social comparisons in your speech, regardless of whether you are comparing yourself, other people, etc. 
• Discuss the value of diversity in body shape and size, and that people can be healthy at a variety of body shapes/sizes (Croll, 2005). (Related: The Health At Every Size Philosophy)  
• Get your body moving, both with and without your child(ren). 
• Make positive and balanced food decisions that demonstrate moderation.
• Eat slowly and savor your food. 
• Express enjoyment and appreciation for your food.
• Acknowledge the effort that goes into the food and what the food does for our bodies. 
• Demonstrate and discuss how you cope with and react to societal pressures around food and exercise; teach kids that they have agency to challenge social norms.
• Model eating when hungry and stopping when pleasantly full and satisfied. (Related: How to Stop Dieting and Learn to Eat Intuitively)
• Normalize any physical disabilities your child may experience.
• Avoid placing judgment labels on food (i.e., “good’ or “bad”).

For many of these things you are modeling for your child(ren), you can also get your child(ren) involved in the process. For example, engaging in movement together as a family (going for hikes, family yoga sessions, etc.) can be a great way to bond and send positive messages about their bodies. 

Promote a functional view of bodies

Society tends to tell us that the most important thing about our body is the way it looks. However, one small (but often difficult) change in perspective here can make a huge difference in body image. Instead of appearance, focus on what our bodies can do and what they feel like (Carbonneau et al., 2021). This promotes a dynamic rather than a static view of bodies, which prevents self-objectification and empowers children to have a growth mindset pertaining to their bodies. 

Related: 5 Ways to Cultivate a Growth Mindset

Practically, this means talking about our own bodies with regards to what they can do and how they feel and asking our children what their bodies do for them. For example, when I talk about my exercise or movement habits from a functional perspective, I might say, “This workout makes me feel so powerful and helps me to jump around with you at the playground.” This teaches kids that movement helps us do more and feel better, and not just for aesthetic purposes (though this may also be a valid reason). 

Recognize human value in non-appearance standards/values

Many of us receive the message that our value as a human being is tied to our appearance, including (but not limited to) our body shape and size. This is portrayed in the media and can be reinforced either through messaging in the home and/or through observation of others in our lives adopting this same standard for themselves. In fact, research shows that people who have a positive body image do not place significant moral or personal value on physical appearance and attractiveness (Carbonneau et al., 2021). 

Therefore, a really great way to promote positive body image is by decoupling our worth as humans from the way our body looks. Now, I am not saying that we or our children can’t appreciate our appearance or like/dislike the way we look, but rather simply acknowledging that regardless of how we look, we aren’t a better or worse person because of that.  

Instead, we can honor and place value or importance on other factors of life that we deem important, which are often culturally bound. For example, hard work, being a good friend/family member, loyalty, integrity, etc. are all possible values that you may choose to promote within your family. 

If you do place any value on beauty, try to incorporate broader standards for what beauty means. For example, rather than suggesting that a thin or muscular body is the way to achieve beauty, emphasize having a good personality or strong social skills as contributors toward beauty. This broad perspective on beauty has been shown to improve body appreciation (Carbonneau et al., 2021). 

Set up a positive environment at the dinner table

First of all, it is important to have meals with your family whenever possible. Read more about 7 Benefits to Eating Meals as a Family. However, when you are at the dinner table as a family, there are things you can do to set up a positive environment that promotes a positive body image. 

You want to make the dinner table a safe, predictable, and reliable place where the family is able to connect with one another. Setting up routines where certain people within the family have certain tasks can help to show personal responsibility. I also suggest finding ways to use this time to connect and relate about topics other than food and weight, keeping conversation on how your days went, personal interests, and things specific to your family. 

Another great tool for a positive environment at the dinner table is to practice mindful eating. This involves the practice of maintaining nonjudgmental awareness of the physical and emotional sensations associated with eating the food. Research suggests that this is linked with less impulsive food choices, reduced calorie consumption, and more positive food choices (Carbonneau et al., 2021). A great way to do this is by keeping meals free from distractions like television, books, or other technology; eat slowly and express appreciation for the food and the effort that went into preparing the food. 

Related: 3 Benefits of Mindful Eating

Responsive feeding

Now, everyone has different approaches to their perspective on how their children can and “should” eat. However, the goal with responsive feeding is to be sensitive to the needs of your child. In other words, know their hunger and satiety cues your child exhibits and provide structure for them to be able to eat around those cues. In general, it is recommended that parents be responsible for deciding what, when, and where kids eat their meals and snacks, but the children have autonomy in whether and how much they eat. As children grow older, they can have more and more autonomy over their food decisions, but need significant structure when they are young. 

Practically, this means trying to refrain from pressuring your child to eat more or restrict their food intake. It is also recommended to not use food as an award or treat food intake (like eating veggies) as something to be rewarded. This sets up children to eat for non-intuitive reasons. It is important to keep in mind that responsive feeding is not the same as indulgent feeding where you allow the children to choose any foods they want to eat all day long (Carbonneau et al., 2021). 

Teach media literacy skills

Research shows that media has a direct impact on the body image of emerging adults (Story et al., 2022). Therefore, it is important to teach your child(ren) media literacy skills. This involves helping your child to understand, analyze, evaluate, and critique the media that they take in. Much of this involves having discussions with your children about the media, teaching children about ways that media images are modified, critiquing societal standards of beauty, and much more. 

When children are young, they might require some level of monitoring of their media intake and being intentional about the messaging they are exposed to (Croll, 2005). However, given your children are exposed to media often during times outside of your control, teaching them these literacy skills is critical to them being able to cope with mixed or negative messaging about bodies (Carbonneau et al., 2021). The more children are able to do this on their own, the less likely this type of messaging is to impact their psyche long-term.

Talk about pressure!

As I even write this article, I can feel the stress building of feeling like I need to be perfect for my child, very well knowing I am an imperfect parent (granted, I tend to be a perfectionist). If you’re like me, I encourage you to stop and take a deep breath here. 

This isn’t about being perfect, but rather doing our own personal mindset-based work around food, exercise, and body image so that we can set up an environment that gives our child(ren) the best chance they can to have a positive body image. We can do everything the recommended way and our kids still are not immune to the pressures we all go through related to this. On the other hand, we could do everything we are told not to and our children might be resilient and still develop a positive body image. There is no way to guarantee any singular outcome. So, determine your own personal philosophy, do your best to instill these traits in your child, and that is all you can do. 

These are just a few strategies grounded in the literature that can help you to promote a positive body image in your children. What strategies have you used and what factors have impacted body image in your children? We would love to hear your tips in the comments below!

References

Carbonneau, N., Hamilton, L., & Musher-Eizenman, D. R. (2021). From dieting to delight: Parenting strategies to promote children’s positive body image and healthy relationship with food. Canadian Psychology, 62(2), 204-212.

Croll, J. (2005). Body image and adolescents. Chest (in), 40(35), 50.

Ricciardelli, L. A., McCabe, M. P., Holt, K. E., & Finemore, J. (2003). A biopsychosocial model for understanding body image and body change strategies among children. Applied Developmental Psychology, 24, 475-495.

Story, A., McClelland, E., & McKinney, C. (2022). Indirect effects of parent-child relationship quality and media on emerging adult body esteem. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 1-14.