I apologize in advance if this post comes off as too negative. I have just been 'feeling a lot' lately - about fitness and health and all... and this is the only space I could share those thoughts.
April has been a month of stark deterioration for me. I first did my last two weeks of Strong, and I thought there was something weird going on - even though I could lift heavier than before for the first two weeks, I was slowly losing that... I didn't pay much attention to it, and I was also frustrated because I couldn't do my workouts 'continuously'; either because of surprise shifts to my schedule, the vaccine or because I wasn't feeling really up to it. Don't get me wrong, I still did "fake it til you make it" and managed to complete those two weeks in three. By then I was feeling even more sluggish, nearly every day, so I thought I would follow Yoga with Adriene instead. It used to help me a lot emotionally. Now, it feels as if I can't even transition to a down dog without all my muscles aching like I just did 30 minutes of HIIT. Every day I try to do anything good for myself, I end up being worse off than when I started. What is this curse?
Now maybe it's psychological. Could be, but it eludes me how, when exercise and/or yoga saved me from my depression's lowest points, they have become so 'ineffective' now. I do not feel exceptionally sad, like I used to 1.5 years ago. I am stressed, true, but I also love seeing my friends in the weekends and meditating daily. I am lost in life, and like all journeys worth making, college doesn't seem to be easy in the slightest - but it doesn't feel that bad!
So maybe it's nutrition. Honestly, I've never been great at this one. I've been chubby all my life, with a probably too high sugar intake, and it was only with the quarantine did I start taking care of my health. Eating homemade healthy foods, indulging every now and then... I became overly obsessed with weight along the way, and living alone did not help. I binged a lot, restricted a lot, ate utter junk... Things seemed to be getting better as I got help, learned more about intuitive eating, tried recognizing my body's signals... but as I started feeling sluggish and achey every day, I stopped caring, almost? I must have put on some weight, which might explain some of my low-energy situation, but I feel like my fitness is even worse than when I was more overweight. How is that even possible?
I started envying people playing team sports a lot lately - I wish I had that sort of camaraderie. I was always the one bullied in PE class, so I don't think I'd even be able to approach a volleyball with an inkling of confidence. And I don't think I'll be able to do anything the way I am feeling right now. I'd kill to understand what is going on.
If anyone has any thoughts, I'd love to hear them. I really don't want this to continue - it feels so, so awful!
Needing help...
Hey folks,
I apologize in advance if this post comes off as too negative. I have just been 'feeling a lot' lately - about fitness and health and all... and this is the only space I could share those thoughts.
April has been a month of stark deterioration for me. I first did my last two weeks of Strong, and I thought there was something weird going on - even though I could lift heavier than before for the first two weeks, I was slowly losing that... I didn't pay much attention to it, and I was also frustrated because I couldn't do my workouts 'continuously'; either because of surprise shifts to my schedule, the vaccine or because I wasn't feeling really up to it. Don't get me wrong, I still did "fake it til you make it" and managed to complete those two weeks in three. By then I was feeling even more sluggish, nearly every day, so I thought I would follow Yoga with Adriene instead. It used to help me a lot emotionally. Now, it feels as if I can't even transition to a down dog without all my muscles aching like I just did 30 minutes of HIIT. Every day I try to do anything good for myself, I end up being worse off than when I started. What is this curse?
Now maybe it's psychological. Could be, but it eludes me how, when exercise and/or yoga saved me from my depression's lowest points, they have become so 'ineffective' now. I do not feel exceptionally sad, like I used to 1.5 years ago. I am stressed, true, but I also love seeing my friends in the weekends and meditating daily. I am lost in life, and like all journeys worth making, college doesn't seem to be easy in the slightest - but it doesn't feel that bad!
So maybe it's nutrition. Honestly, I've never been great at this one. I've been chubby all my life, with a probably too high sugar intake, and it was only with the quarantine did I start taking care of my health. Eating homemade healthy foods, indulging every now and then... I became overly obsessed with weight along the way, and living alone did not help. I binged a lot, restricted a lot, ate utter junk... Things seemed to be getting better as I got help, learned more about intuitive eating, tried recognizing my body's signals... but as I started feeling sluggish and achey every day, I stopped caring, almost? I must have put on some weight, which might explain some of my low-energy situation, but I feel like my fitness is even worse than when I was more overweight. How is that even possible?
I started envying people playing team sports a lot lately - I wish I had that sort of camaraderie. I was always the one bullied in PE class, so I don't think I'd even be able to approach a volleyball with an inkling of confidence. And I don't think I'll be able to do anything the way I am feeling right now. I'd kill to understand what is going on.
If anyone has any thoughts, I'd love to hear them. I really don't want this to continue - it feels so, so awful!
Erin