Does anyone here also have problems taking compliments that have something to do with their appearance?
I've recently realised that I don't know how to react to comments that are directed at my clothes ("oh, a dress! Do you wear dresses now?") and my body shape ("You've lost weight again! Am I supposed to get worried?!"). I particularly dislike people telling me or alluding to the fact that they find me "pretty" or "looking healthy". What I can handle is hearing that I look "strong". Otherwise, I find these things impossible to unpack and they make me very uncomfortable. I myself compliment people a lot but I try not to give compliments that I wouldn’t like to receive.
To give you some background, I've lost some weight in the past year and I've been exercising consistently, so my appearance probably has changed a bit. I didn't introduce some changes into my habits for anyone but myself and my family: I want us to nourish our bodies and keep them working. However, at some point in the process, people started to notice the external changes and feel obliged to comment on them.
I didn't receive much validation from the society before my body changed and I learnt to live without it, so it bugs me that now I'm being often rewarded for fitting into a standard that people find attractive. I know these compliments reflect people's good intentions, yet I'd prefer to be left to my own devices.
Since I don’t feel grateful for receiving the compliments, I try not to thank people for them. I instead acknowledge them in a neutral manner (“Yes, I’ve lost some weight”, “Yes, I’m wearing a dress”) and try to change the topic as soon as I can. What’s really going on in my head is though:
- You find me pretty? What does it mean to you? Why are you saying that: Should I consider your opinion important?
- You like the way I look "now". Does it mean that there was anything wrong with the way I looked before?
- Yes, I happen to be wearing a dress. It doesn't mean that it wasn't or will be "my thing" now. I'm simply wearing a dress. I suppose my thighs don’t chafe each other as much now, so I can include dresses in my wardrobe.
Long story short, the unpleasant feeling of receiving compliments is something that dawned on me some time ago and has been bugging me since. I’m curious what your thoughts are!
Have you ever found some compliments problematic?
Do you compliment other people’s appearance a lot? In what way?
How do you respond to compliments?
PS. Sorry to distract you from the excitement about FB Fit 3 coming tomorrow! Bear with me – nice things are coming our way!!
Dealing with Compliments
Hi everyone!
Does anyone here also have problems taking compliments that have something to do with their appearance?
I've recently realised that I don't know how to react to comments that are directed at my clothes ("oh, a dress! Do you wear dresses now?") and my body shape ("You've lost weight again! Am I supposed to get worried?!"). I particularly dislike people telling me or alluding to the fact that they find me "pretty" or "looking healthy". What I can handle is hearing that I look "strong". Otherwise, I find these things impossible to unpack and they make me very uncomfortable. I myself compliment people a lot but I try not to give compliments that I wouldn’t like to receive.
To give you some background, I've lost some weight in the past year and I've been exercising consistently, so my appearance probably has changed a bit. I didn't introduce some changes into my habits for anyone but myself and my family: I want us to nourish our bodies and keep them working. However, at some point in the process, people started to notice the external changes and feel obliged to comment on them.
I didn't receive much validation from the society before my body changed and I learnt to live without it, so it bugs me that now I'm being often rewarded for fitting into a standard that people find attractive. I know these compliments reflect people's good intentions, yet I'd prefer to be left to my own devices.
Since I don’t feel grateful for receiving the compliments, I try not to thank people for them. I instead acknowledge them in a neutral manner (“Yes, I’ve lost some weight”, “Yes, I’m wearing a dress”) and try to change the topic as soon as I can. What’s really going on in my head is though:
- You find me pretty? What does it mean to you? Why are you saying that: Should I consider your opinion important?
- You like the way I look "now". Does it mean that there was anything wrong with the way I looked before?
- Yes, I happen to be wearing a dress. It doesn't mean that it wasn't or will be "my thing" now. I'm simply wearing a dress. I suppose my thighs don’t chafe each other as much now, so I can include dresses in my wardrobe.
Long story short, the unpleasant feeling of receiving compliments is something that dawned on me some time ago and has been bugging me since. I’m curious what your thoughts are!
Have you ever found some compliments problematic?
Do you compliment other people’s appearance a lot? In what way?
How do you respond to compliments?
PS. Sorry to distract you from the excitement about FB Fit 3 coming tomorrow! Bear with me – nice things are coming our way!!