I hope you are having a beautiful and relaxed Sunday.
I wanted to share something that happened last night. I bought a pint of ice cream to enjoy while watching my favorite series. Normally, I eat straight out of the pint, and in 9 out of 10 cases it ends with me eating the whole pint and I am left with extreme guilt and shame the rest of the night. Thoughts like "Jesus, why can I not control myself?", "I feel sick", "Tomorrow I will only eat super healthy" and the classic "My new life starts on Monday" occupied my mind and the series I was watching was hard to enjoy due to lack of concentration. Last night, however, I did something I have never done before. I saw the serving size (2/3 cup) and measured the ice cream and ate it out of a bowl and put the rest of the pint back in the freezer. The ice cream was incredible and I enjoyed every spoon of it, in contrast to when I used to eat the whole pint and got full after X amount of spoons, but kept eating even though my body said no. For every spoon of ice cream I ate, I used to think "After the next spoon I should put the lid on and put it back", "This spoon has to be the last". These thoughts kept me from even enjoying the ice cream (and also the fact that I was super full), still I continued to eat until the pint was empty. Sometimes when I lived with my parents a few years ago, I'd almost finish the whole pint but leave some spoons in the bottom, just so that I would have something to put back in the freezer. I would not want anyone in my household to think I was gutty and that I could not control myself.
Last night however, I felt in control and like I respected my body. It is important to treat yourself sometimes - to eat for the soul, but it is not kind to keep stuffing the body when it is clearly saying no. I have finally started to listen to my body and I want to give my body a sincere apology for all the years that I have shut both eyes and ears when my body has been trying to talk to me. Either I restricted myself from the things my body craved, or I stuffed my body with the things it craved. Black or white. I am happy to have found a middle ground, a grey area. I understand measuring ice cream can seem weird and also a sign of disordered eating, and in the future I wish to not have to do that. For now though, that is what I need to do in order to transition to a "everything in moderation" kind of mindset.
Thanks for reading, have a wonderful rest of your day.
Finally found my grey area
Hello FB friends,
I hope you are having a beautiful and relaxed Sunday.
I wanted to share something that happened last night. I bought a pint of ice cream to enjoy while watching my favorite series. Normally, I eat straight out of the pint, and in 9 out of 10 cases it ends with me eating the whole pint and I am left with extreme guilt and shame the rest of the night. Thoughts like "Jesus, why can I not control myself?", "I feel sick", "Tomorrow I will only eat super healthy" and the classic "My new life starts on Monday" occupied my mind and the series I was watching was hard to enjoy due to lack of concentration. Last night, however, I did something I have never done before. I saw the serving size (2/3 cup) and measured the ice cream and ate it out of a bowl and put the rest of the pint back in the freezer. The ice cream was incredible and I enjoyed every spoon of it, in contrast to when I used to eat the whole pint and got full after X amount of spoons, but kept eating even though my body said no. For every spoon of ice cream I ate, I used to think "After the next spoon I should put the lid on and put it back", "This spoon has to be the last". These thoughts kept me from even enjoying the ice cream (and also the fact that I was super full), still I continued to eat until the pint was empty. Sometimes when I lived with my parents a few years ago, I'd almost finish the whole pint but leave some spoons in the bottom, just so that I would have something to put back in the freezer. I would not want anyone in my household to think I was gutty and that I could not control myself.
Last night however, I felt in control and like I respected my body. It is important to treat yourself sometimes - to eat for the soul, but it is not kind to keep stuffing the body when it is clearly saying no. I have finally started to listen to my body and I want to give my body a sincere apology for all the years that I have shut both eyes and ears when my body has been trying to talk to me. Either I restricted myself from the things my body craved, or I stuffed my body with the things it craved. Black or white. I am happy to have found a middle ground, a grey area. I understand measuring ice cream can seem weird and also a sign of disordered eating, and in the future I wish to not have to do that. For now though, that is what I need to do in order to transition to a "everything in moderation" kind of mindset.
Thanks for reading, have a wonderful rest of your day.