I have to say, I’m proud of myself this year. Why? Because I didn’t restrict in the 2-4 weeks before the beach in order to look good or have an ‘ideal’ body.

I’m about 15 lbs heavier than I was last summer. This is because of several factors. Medicine, muscle game, and moving away from an obsession with walking and food. I feel a lot more balanced- even with the little extra fat on my body.

However, as now vacation is here and I’ll actually be on a beach in a bikini and taking pictures, I feel a bit defeated. My body feels so...fluffy, especially from where I was last year.

I’m nowhere near fat, but I’m also not comfortable with myself.

I don’t know where I’m going with this. I guess I wanted to share it with people who understand and might be able to provide some insight/similar experiences.

If you made it this far, thanks for listening :)