Hey,

So I’m sitting here at 39 years old wondering when am I going to stop spending every waking moment thinking about what I can do to change my body. In another post I’ve explained I started swimming 4 times a week which I sort of enjoyed but it was ruining my hair (even with preparation and aftercare). Sounds silly to stop because of that but I have such low self esteem about my body that the last thing I wanted was to ruin my hair too. I was enjoying feeling healthy and now as usual I’m back in a funk trawling through the internet trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do now. I bought a rower but I suffer on and off with a bad lower back and the moment I went on it my back started to hurt. I’m sure i’ll eventually find something but why can’t I just love myself for what I am. Why is this so damn important. It’s the first thing I think of when I wake up, I don’t stop focusing on it all through the day and it’s the last thing I think about at night. It just controls my life. I have a wonderful husband and 2 children which I am truly blessed for but I am so tired of feeling so low about how I look. I’ve lost nearly 2 stone calorie counting but I’m just getting flabbier and flabbier because I’m not consistently exercising. That’s not for a lack of trying. I used to do HIIT at home

(Jillian Michaels) until my back got in the way. Then I started walking everywhere until my tendinitis in my ankle and knee strayed playing up. So then I started swimming and now my hair is destroyed and my psoriasis is back. I am not a quitter but I just feel like everything is against me. I haven’t started any of the workouts on here yet but I think part of me feels like what’s the point because something will get in the way and ruin it ☹️